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The Sad Crucifixion of Tiger Woods

By the time you read this, the “true” story of what happened with Tiger Woods will probably be public.  “True” that is, if you consider the story as filtered by Tiger’s team of pugnacious, flesh eating attorneys and white washed by his slick talking word meisters from his public relations people.

Who can deny the circumstances appear suspicious.  After all, Tiger banged a fire hydrant and a tree right in front of his own house in the middle of the night.  Elin Woods, Tiger’s wife, apparently was awake in the middle of the night, heard the crash and ran down the driveway with a four iron in hand and smashed the rear window of the Cadillac SUV to drag Tiger’s body out of the vehicle.  This in of itself doesn’t seem to be the proper way to administer medical treatment.  You don’t suppose the four iron shots were taken before the vehicle left the driveway?  You don’t suppose they were feuding?

Sure, it’s possible Tiger was on a 2:30 am milk run to the Seven-Eleven.  It’s also possible that after spending the previous week or two in China his body clock was still out of sync and was a little confused as to what time it really was.  With a big tournament coming up this week, it’s also possible he was headed out to hit some balls.  I’m more inclined to believe Elin was going out to hit some balls.

Now the media circles waiting to strike as soon as the first sign of blood soaked flesh hits the pool.  Oh how they miss O.J.  What do you say we give the guy a break?  Haven’t we got better things to do than lurk like voyeurs waiting to peak into the private lives of celebrities?  How about a little decency on our side of the fence?

Tiger Woods is a 33 year old male who happens to have a personal economy bigger than most third world countries.  He travels the world like no one before him.  He is constantly in the limelight.  He dreams of privacy.  He even named his 155 foot yacht, you guessed it, “Privacy”.  He is married to a ravishing, Swedish model.  He is one of the most recognized human beings on the planet.  He has been in the public’s eye since before he appeared in front of a national television audience on the Johnny Carson Show when Tiger was three or four years old.

With all of this on his résumé, do we really expect him to be normal?  If he were truly “normal” (whatever that means), he’d be crazy.  Whenever I see the man speak or perform in public I am stunned he can present the face of someone that even approximates normal.

So when he hits a fire hydrant, the vultures circle and swoop in a feeding frenzy.  But then let’s just say that after five years of high profile marriage, the young man did have dispute with his wife.  That’s news?  If his demanding schedule and stressful existence didn’t lead to periodic moments of tension and marital strife, then we’d have a real news story.  Who do you know that has never had a “disagreement” with a spouse?

The bottom line here is that I’d say there’s a good chance they were at odds.  Big deal.  Get over it.  If every marital dispute was in the news, the daily paper would be delivered with a forklift.  Give the guy a break.  He happens to be the world’s greatest golfer, not Superman, not Jesus Christ, not Mohammed.  If when his days are over he ascends on the third day and sits in God’s golf cart then we can rethink the current events, but in the meantime, haven’t we got something else that’s more important to do?  Alright, move along, move along.  There’s nothing to see here.

Isn’t it interesting that for someone like you and me to be newsworthy, we’ve got to do something that’s absolutely crazy, but for a celebrity of the magnitude of Tiger Woods to be newsworthy, he’s got do something than only normal people do, like lose a tournament or disagree with his wife.  Move along, move along.


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