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Entitlements – and the Bastards Think We Owe It to Them

That’s what’s wrong with this country today, entitlements. They’re killing us. Can you imagine? All these people thinking they’ve got it coming to them. Just because they’re poor they expect food stamps, unemployment payments, and the same quality of education they’d get it they lived in the richer suburbs. They already get free medical care. They just run up to the emergency room with every little ache and pain like their appendicitis is our fault. And now they’re even trying to get health insurance on our nickel. Outrageous!

Just ask the members of your local Tea Party bunch. They get it. Or should I say, they’ve got it. If they didn’t already have it, chances are they’d be singing a different tune. The highest and best use of their time seems to be to keep the disadvantaged out of sight so as to not clutter our otherwise pleasant landscapes. When it comes time to do anything about helping the less fortunate members of our society, the Tea Partiers will tell you how those losers can climb the social ladder. Learn English, get in line, work hard, get three jobs, don’t get sick, don’t have kids, but do get lucky. Do it just like their ancestors did. In the meantime, get the hell over onto your own side of town and quit your bitching. You’re not entitled to anything other than the glorious opportunities we Tea Potters give you. Nuff said.

When I look at the definition of “entitlement programs”, I see a little contradiction in the thinking of the Tea Party pack. “Thinking”? Did I say “thinking”? I meant “talking”. Regardless, Dr. Paul Johnson of Auburn University sites examples of entitlement programs such as “Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, most Veterans’ Administration programs, federal employee and military retirement plans, unemployment compensation, food stamps, and agricultural price support programs.”

I wonder how the Tea tippers would feel if Medicare completely disappeared. Do you think they’d go along with losing their Social Security benefits? I’m sure the veterans wouldn’t object to surrendering their benefits. After all, active and retired military people can still go to the PX and get government subsidized cigarettes and whiskey which is apparently a justifiable government entitlement. So we must conclude some entitlements are OK while others are not.

With my curiosity getting the best of me I embarked upon a quest to discover the difference between acceptable entitlements and unacceptable entitlements. It wasn’t as difficult as I expected. An acceptable entitlement program is one to which you have access. An unacceptable entitlement program is one that is available to people other than you. It couldn’t be any clearer. For example, if free or discounted health services are granted to someone other than you, those lowlife no-goodniks are gaming the system and having children only to further reduce your access to health care. On the other hand, if you have a health care benefit through your employer and someone suggests taking away its tax free benefit status – a benefit poor people working on their own and trying to buy health insurance are not afforded – you’ll be screaming bloody murder. After all, that’s not income. Why should you be taxed on it? It’s just stuff that translates into free money for you. You get the point.

A lot of entitlement programs are overlooked by those inclined to attend tea parties. A common refrain in tea bag circles is “it’s your money” the government is using. When you’re taxed, it’s on the money you’ve earned so it’s all yours. The government is basically stealing your money to create entitlements for those non-English speaking bastards on the other side of the tracks. Outrageous! Just ask Limbaugh or Hannity. After all, it’s your hard earned money. Forget the fact that you earned it as you used the transportation system and highways built by my tax dollars. Forget that you’ve done so in a country that is defended by military forces paid and equipped with my tax dollars. Just forget that without all of these things paid for by my tax dollars, you wouldn’t be making all of your hard earned money; you’d be too busy defending yourself from marauding gangs, thieves and politicians to earn a nickel.

Somehow the tepid tea sippers conveniently forget about all of these things which amount to their entitlement programs. For some inexplicable reason they believe their entitlements are deserved. If you want to see a rather extreme, but usually humorous entitlement circus, you need only visit A.J.’s Fine Foods. It’s an upper-end food store near my Scottsdale, Arizona home. It tends to be frequented by an interesting demographic, old, pudgy Republican women full of Botox, face lifts, breast implants and two pounds of facial makeup. They drive bulbous SUVs and think they’re upper crust because their husbands have socked away a big enough pile of money so that when they stand on it, they can look down on everyone else. They are truly entitled to the max. They park wherever the want regardless of whether or not it is a parking place. They walk into the store and demand immediate service even if the clerk is working with someone else at the time. They leave their carts in the middle of parking lot. And all because they truly believe they’re entitled to their clown faces and condescending attitudes. But when they speak about the less fortunate, they’re quick to point out how these ungrateful degenerates need to get in line, follow the rules and appreciate the crumbs these 30 thousand dollar millionaires are forced to throw their way. I just love shopping at the Scottsdale A.J.’s; it’s better than any comedy club I’ve ever attended.

So the next time you hear a harangue from the Tea Party set about outrageous entitlement programs, have a little fun and get them going talking about their own entitlements. I don’t begin to say all entitlement programs are good or bad. I’m not suggesting we have more or less of them. I am saying get off your high horse and acknowledge we all take advantage of our entitlement programs. When Hannity says the government’s just taking our hard earned money, put down your tea cup and slap him with your crumpet. The real entitlements are going to the well-to-do and comfortable, people like me and probably you. Ta ta. Time for tea.

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